Go on, call me crazy.

If you have not already, please see my previous post regarding Cory Strode.

«« CONTENT WARNING »» I have published a roughly-written, full timeline of my relationship(s) with Cory Strode over on my personal Facebook account for the time being. «« CONTENT WARNING »»

I have PTSD and I am beginning the process of applying for SSDI (disability) while I continue to struggle with working on my autobiography and art books. Even eating and sleeping are extremely challenging right now, and my primary focus is on doing what is necessary to stay alive so I can finish my books.

Thank you for visiting my blog and your interest in my work.

CATEGORY:

Cory Strode: The Wrong People

As of today, 27 March 2021, I am in possession of allegations by two third-party sources that Cory Strode has repeatedly lied to or misled others about the details of our relationship(s) such as how we met, when we met, where we met, whether we were intimate, etc. He has also been making defamatory statements about my professional reputation as a comics creator. The comment below was privately-messaged by Mr. Strode to one of the concerned third-parties when they asked him about me. The third-party’s messages to me follow in screenshots below.

Cory Strode making defamatory statements about the comics industry career of Jin Wicked.

Mr. Strode knows that I prefer to stay indie/self-published. I do not want “gigs,” have never pursued “gigs,” I turn down almost all commission requests, and in the past two years I have turned down offers to be included in comic anthologies, work as an inker, and even illustrate a children’s book. I would much rather work a day job than pour all my blood and sweat into other people’s material. Making art is too intimate a process for me to do work-for-hire. His statement is a lie.

Disparaging someone with then-undiagnosed ADHD for having trouble making deadlines and finishing projects, when you know that person is actively struggling to improve themselves, is also a great look. I suspected I had ADHD in 2015. Due to Cory Strode positioning himself as my “unconditionally loving” caretaker, and his education in psychology, when he told me I did not have ADHD I dropped it. Almost four years passed before I finally got medication and treatment.

Publicly, he refuses to acknowledge or engage in any subject having to do with me, presenting himself as “above the fray” regarding controversy or drama.

Cory Strode falsely portraying himself as above engaging in any controversy or drama.

Mr. Strode with me on 16 May 2015, the night before MSP Comicon 2015.

Cory Strode less than an hour before he scolds me like a child about my once-per-month, if even that, and special occasion cigarillo/cigar smoking.

Cory Strode less than an hour before he scolds me like a child about my once-per-month, if even that, and special occasion cigarillo/cigar smoking.

Privately, he lies about his personal history with me, and uses the “abuse does not matter because she’s craAaAazy” defense to undermine my credibility.

Cory Strode engaging in victim-blaming and lying about our personal relationship history.

Mr. Strode with me on 17 May 2015, while in his personal vehicle.

Cory Strode driving to MSP Comicon 2015 with his little "fixer-upper."

Cory Strode driving to MSP Comicon 2015 with his little “fixer-upper.”

One of these third-parties has provided validation of what I already suspected, that Cory Strode was actively disseminating the “Veritas” page. This lines up with the documentation I have provided of the “Veritas” Facebook page showing up in the “recommended pages” connected to Mr. Strode’s podcast Facebook page.

Cory Strode disseminating the anonymous fear-and-smear campaign run against me for approximately two years.

To be absolutely, 100% perfectly, unambigiously clear:

It is my personal opinion that Mr. Strode deploys his over-the-top helpfulness, “empathy,” and “nice guy” persona to manipulate the individuals in his orbit for the purposes of creating attachment and inflating his own ego. Based on his own admissions to me over the years, he has a pattern of dating younger women, and women in vulnerable positions, who are highly likely to be or become dependent on him. I was one of those women. When I queried about his dating habits at one point, his response was that he “doesn’t discriminate based on age.” Mr. Strode is an insufferable braggart who fancies himself a great altruist, while harbouring resentment toward anyone who expresses insufficient gratitude toward him.

Mr. Strode with me on 11 June 2016, after having lunch at the Hi-Lo Diner.

Cory Strode almost exactly one month before violating the safety and sanctity of my home and intimate spaces, leaving me feeling raped and traumatized.

Cory Strode almost exactly one month before violating the safety and sanctity of my home and intimate spaces, leaving me feeling raped and traumatized.

My personal relationship with Mr. Strode began long-distance over the Internet, when I was 18 and he was in his mid-30s. Mr. Strode has a Bachelor’s degree in psychology, and was aware at that time of my abusive childhood, miserable home situation, and emotional/psychological instability. He enthusiastically took a flight to Houston, where I lived with my family, in 1999 to see me in person and have physical/sexual contact with me. In 2000, he helped me “escape” by temporarily moving me into his home in Chaska where, being on my own for the first time and scared, we briefly resumed our sexual relationship. It is my personal opinion that, deliberately or not, Mr. Strode took advantage of my loneliness, naivete, and lack of life experience to amuse and gratify himself. I was visibly more immature and impulsive than my peers in my teens and early 20s. I was finally diagnosed with ADHD and Autism Spectrum Disorder at age 39 and 40, respectively.

In the months leading up to and following my return to Minnesota in 2015, Mr. Strode continually over-stepped personal boundaries with favours and gifts, used excessive fawning and flattery to manipulate me, made me uncomfortable with his obvious attraction to and sexual desire for me, deliberately got me intoxicated in situations where I would be reliant on him, latched onto my resurgent comics career and personal progress as a mechanism to congratulate himself, made me feel like his personal “show pony” at conventions and events, allegedly lied about my past and our relationship history to mutual friends, and groomed me into a state of debilitating anxiety and learned helplessness. When he finally went too far by “cleaning up my apartment” and left me feeling raped, traumatized, and unsafe in my own home, and in my personal opinion I no longer served my purpose to make him feel better about himself, he discarded me.

Mr. Rider and Mr. Strode with me on 10 October 2015, at MSP Fallcon 2015.

MSP Fallcon 2015: Joe Rider (left) staring at my breasts while Cory Strode (right) makes kissy faces at me. My eye makeup is smeared from crying/drinking.

MSP Fallcon 2015: Joe Rider (left) staring at my breasts while Cory Strode (right) makes kissy faces at me. My eye makeup is smeared from crying/drinking.

Mr. Strode continued churning out podcasts while I struggled to recover.

My attempts to address with Mr. Strode my feelings of being taken advantage of and violated by him have resulted in denial, minimization, and gaslighting.

Speaking to others and writing about my experiences with Mr. Strode has made me the target of abuse, defamation, harassment, mockery, and threats from Joe Rider, Stephanie Cofell, and anonymous others. In November of 2020, Stephanie Cofell threatened me with a civil lawsuit and/or criminal action, falsely accusing me of lying, falsely accusing me of fabricating the abusive messages written by her that I posted in my previous #MeToo blog, and attempting to silence me regarding the inappropriate nature of Mr. Strode and Mr. Rider’s actions.

You can read more about these experiences in my previous #MeToo blog.

Fears for my personal safety resulting from the “Jin Wicked Veritas” pages triggered disruption and a profound decrease in my quality of life, including the loss of a stable, well-paid job that made accommodations for my disabilities and scheduling requirements as a convention exhibitor. As an autistic person, stability is essential to my ability to function successfully, and I have never fully recovered from the loss of that job. The injury to my emotional, psychological, and physical health caused by the actions of Cory Strode, Stephanie Cofell, Joe Rider, and others has exacerbated the symptoms of my disabilities, deteriorated my ability to generate income through my self-employed activity, and derailed progress on my personal goals. I have suffered damage to my professional reputation as both a direct result of defamatory statements made about me, and an indirect result of my reduced ability to function. I have wasted countless uncompensated hours dealing with all this, including documentation, filing police reports, changing my locks, seeking new employment, and ultimately having to locate a lawyer and obtain legal counsel. I am exploring my options in regards to these losses.

Mr. Rider and Mr. Strode with me on 18 May 2016, at MSP Comicon 2016. Mr. Rider coaxes me to sit on his lap, while Mr. Strode declares his envy.

These men do not find me “craAaAazy” when I do what they want me to.

With regards to “proof,” there are references to “cows on the highway” in episodes of the “Kray Z Comics and Stories” podcast that I appeared in. Those “jokes” are about Mr. Strode’s trip to Houston, Texas, in 1999. There were cows that had wandered onto and blocked part of the feeder lanes on the Gulf Freeway (I-45) while he was travelling to his hotel in the Webster/Clear Lake area, south of the Houston metro, from the airport. I lied to my parents about seeing “The Matrix” twice in a row to explain the time I spent in Mr. Strode’s hotel room.

“The Matrix” was released on 31 March 1999, and appears to have run a little over two months. Based on statements from a friend who moved out-of-state in April, and when I started working at the Michael’s on Bay Area Blvd, that would place Mr. Strode’s romantic visit to me most likely in early May. Approximately two months after I turned 19 years-old. He was 34 or 35 years-old.

I have an employment record from the period I lived in Minnesota in 2000, photographs, and multiple third-parties that I have remained friends with since that time. I am incapable of keeping secrets, and I have told many, many, many people about my experiences with Mr. Strode over the past twenty years. None of the events have ever changed; only my understanding of them as I grew older, gained more life experience, and reconnected with Mr. Strode at age 34.

Mr. Rider on 12 March 2018, making my trauma into a running joke.

'Krayz' Joe Rider being an unrepentant asshole.

'Krayz' Joe Rider being an unrepentant asshole.

Joe Rider has made “mints on pillows” jokes as recently as 8 March 2021.

Cory Strode’s other frequent podcast co-host and the illustrator of his webcomic, Daniel Mohr, sexually assaulted a woman on stage with his puppet in August of 2019. He was forced to apologize after arguing with witnesses about it.

I am in the process of writing my complete and exhaustive autobiography, including the details of my intimate relationship with Mr. Strode, and assembling the definitive timeline of my life with documentation and independent verification whenever possible. I will not allow other people to attempt to tell me who and/or what I am any longer. This is something I must do for my own health. Thank you for your patience while I am working on this difficult but necessary project.

Please email me if you have any additional information about Cory Strode.

Cory Strode is also known online as Cory!! Strode, Solitaire Rose, Uncle Rat Bastard, and is the self-proclaimed “Best-Dressed Man in Comics.”

Update 28 March 2021: Below is what another ex-mutual-friend recalls being told by Cory Strode regarding my personal history and past relationship(s) with him.

Cory Strode being the nicest guy "nice guy"ever.

I was born in Texas and lived in Minnesota for roughly a year in 2000, as written previously. When I left Minnesota, I briefly attempted to live in Buffalo, NY, due to its proximity to Toronto, ON. I was unable to find a job there and, running out of money, I returned to Texas in 2001. I was in a relationship with a Canadian man living in Toronto for approximately two more years after returning to Texas.

My relationship with my ex-husband began in September of 2003. I ended my friendship with Cory Strode the first time around 2008-2009 (I am still working to narrow/verify this), after a particularly loathsome run of Cory making derogatory and ignorant “jokes” about people from the southern US. At 28 or 29 years old, this was also when I first attempted to confront him about the inappropriateness of our past sexual relationship. My ex-husband and I did not get married until 2010. Everything that Cory Strode allegedly says about me here is a lie.

Update 30 March 2021: «« CONTENT WARNING »» I have published a roughly-written, full timeline of my relationship(s) with Cory Strode over on my personal Facebook account for the time being. «« CONTENT WARNING »»

Here is the “sanitized” version of the events described in detail at the link above. It was published in January of 2017, before I was subjected to years of additional abuse and re-tramautization. Note that I mention the “blacklist” and “burning bridges” comments made by Stephanie to me, and the reference to Steve.

2000: Photo of me in Minneapolis by Jon Heller at “Cory’s” coffee shop.
2000: Photo of me in Minneapolis by Jon Heller at graffiti I spotted w/Cory.
2016-07-13: Blog published trying to accept/rationalize what Cory did.
2016-08-11: Facebook post referencing being free of Cory’s influence.
2016-08-15: Facebook post referencing re-cleaning/re-washing everything.
2016-08-16: Facebook post referencing re-cleaning/re-washing everything.
2016-10-03: Blog published referencing statements made by Cory and Douglas.
2016-10-20: Artwork posted illustrating the trauma inflicted on me by Cory.
2016-12-26: Facebook post responding to Stephanie’s DM after she blocked me.
2016-12-26: Blog published responding to Cory’s and Stephanie’s abuse.
2017-01-03: Facebook post referencing (#33) how Cory treated me.
2017-01-24: Facebook post regarding my relationship with Cory.
2017-11-25: Facebook post referencing destroying Cory’s dinner table.

Update 01 April 2021: What even is this life?

seriously dude wtf

Update 03 April 2021: Documentation regarding LionCon in Saint Cloud, MN.

The arrangements for this event were made prior to Mr. Strode “cleaning up my apartment” for me, which occured on 10 July 2016. This event took place on 27 August 2016. I made a request to the convention management to have my booth moved as far away from Mr. Strode’s as possible, but I was told that the floor plan was finalized and changes could not be made. I do not “no show” events. I made the decision to tough it out. I did not expect Mr. Strode to accost me, or make Al and myself unwilling participants in his livestreaming activities all day.

Cory Strode, Stephanie Cofell, and her husband playing board games and forcing me to be in the background of their livestream after Cory "apologized" to me.

Cory Strode, Stephanie Cofell, and her husband playing board games and forcing me to be in the background of their livestream after Cory “apologized” to me.

Al notices the camera at the 13:00 mark, waves to the camera at the 24:00 mark, and says something to me around the 28:00 mark. At around 30 seconds in, Al moves his body to block me from view of the camera, and the customer at my table looks over at Mr. Strode when we comment on what they are doing.

This occurs a short time after Mr. Strode physically approached me at the pipe-and-drape between our booths, blubbering and sobbing in a mocking non-apology for his inappropriate relationship with me when I was a teenager and invasion of my home, causing me to exit the show floor and become physically ill.

Below is the private message that Stephanie Cofell sent me twice, to both my personal and business page inbox, about four months later when I “unfriended” her on Facebook. She blocked my personal account before I even had a chance to respond. I responded to her allegations of lying about my age publicly here at the time, I responded to her other comments more generally in this blog post, and I mentioned the “blacklist” and “burning bridges” comments here in 2017.

Abusive and threatening Facebook message sent to me by Stephanie Cofell after "unfriending" her on Facebook.

This is one of the messages that I have been falsely accused of “faking.”

Message originally sent 26 December 2016. Video recorded on 06 November 2020. I added a dummy Facebook account as an admin to my business page to record this, since Ms. Cofell has blocked my personal account. This person has not only treated me abusively, but threatened to sue me for revealing it.

Update 03 April 2021: Documentation regarding my history with Cory Strode.

Me at age 18, in my childhood bedroom. What I looked like around the time Cory Strode met me online as a mid-30s age man. Surrounded by books, games, and toys.

Me at age 18, in my childhood bedroom, where I lived until Cory Strode “helped” me move to Minnesota. What I looked like around the time he met me online, as a mid-30s age, college-educated man. Surrounded by fantasy books, games, and toys. I was about 10 years old when Mr. Strode’s son was born, and 11 years old when he divorced from his wife. His son is closer to my age than he is.

"Thunder" 7" × 5" coloured pencil on toned textured paper. If I remember correctly, Cory Strode told me his parents liked wolves. This was drawn, framed by me while working at the Michael's on Bay Area Blvd (when I began custom framing), and then mailed to him/them as a gift. File dated 19 May 1999.

“Thunder” 7″ × 5″ coloured pencil on toned textured paper. If I remember correctly, Cory Strode told me his parents liked wolves. This was drawn, framed by me while working at the Michael’s on Bay Area Blvd (when I began custom framing), and then mailed to him/them as a gift. File dated 19 May 1999.

This is the website I built for Cory Strode in 1999, registered 31 May 1999.

This is the website I built for Cory Strode in 1999, registered 31 May 1999.

Me at age 20, at the Michael's in Richfield, MN. Shortly before I would load everything I own in a U-Haul truck and drive it to Buffalo, NY during a blizzard.

Me at age 20, at the Michael’s in Richfield, MN. Shortly before I would load everything I own in a U-Haul truck and drive it to Buffalo, NY, during a blizzard.

Cory Strode in a "Crap I Drew on My Lunch Break" comic strip in 2003.

Cory Strode in a “Crap I Drew on My Lunch Break” comic strip in 2003.

Cory Strode at the Dave & Buster's on Richmond Ave in Houston, Texas, in 2004 for my 24th birthday party. A fan/reader of mine donated frequent flyer miles.

Cory Strode at the Dave & Buster’s on Richmond Ave in Houston, Texas, in 2004 for my 24th birthday party. A fan/reader of mine donated frequent flyer miles.

Cory Strode at the Agora Coffee Shop in Houston, Texas, in 2004.

Cory Strode at the Agora Coffee Shop in Houston, Texas, in 2004.

Cory Strode playing poker with my room-mate at that time (left) and two other friends (right) at the Agora Coffee Shop in Houston, Texas, in 2004.

Cory Strode playing poker with my room-mate at that time (left) and two other friends (right) at the Agora Coffee Shop in Houston, Texas, in 2004.

Cory Strode when I took him, at his request, to visit NASA/The Lyndon B. Johnson Space Center during his 2004 trip to Houston, Texas. That was, again, do not forget: paid for with frequent flyer miles from one of my fans/readers.

Cory Strode when I took him, at his request, to visit NASA/The Lyndon B. Johnson Space Center during his 2004 trip to Houston, Texas. That was, again, do not forget: paid for with frequent flyer miles from one of my fans/readers.

I can neither confirm nor deny if Cory Strode is now claiming credit for creation of the NASA X-38 experimental re-entry vehicle program.

I can neither confirm nor deny if Cory Strode is now claiming credit for creation of the NASA X-38 experimental re-entry vehicle program.

Cory Strode when I took him, at his request, to a pier on the Galveston seawall to see the ocean/Gulf of Mexico during his 2004 trip to Houston, Texas.

Cory Strode when I took him, at his request, to a pier on the Galveston seawall to see the ocean/Gulf of Mexico during his 2004 trip to Houston, Texas.

Cory Strode at a pier restaurant on the seawall in Galveston, Texas, in 2004.

Cory Strode at a pier restaurant on the seawall in Galveston, Texas, in 2004.

Cory Strode playing poker with my room-mate at that time, in my home, where he slept on my couch (visible here) during his 2004 trip to Houston, Texas.

Cory Strode playing poker with my room-mate at that time, in my home, where he slept on my couch (visible here) during his 2004 trip to Houston, Texas.

Cory Strode with written commentary inside, and a cartoon of himself on the cover of one of my books (middle bottom image.) This particular copy was being hawked by Joe Rider at a markup, AFTER they threatened me with a lawsuit.

Cory Strode with written commentary inside, and a cartoon of himself on the cover of one of my books (middle bottom image.) This particular copy was being hawked by Joe Rider at a markup, AFTER they threatened me with a lawsuit.

Updated cover/format for the original "Crap I Drew on My Lunch Break: Volume One," 24 August 2005, when the book was moved from CafePress to Lulu.

Updated cover/format for the original “Crap I Drew on My Lunch Break: Volume One,” 24 August 2005, when the book was moved from CafePress to Lulu.

Dedication page "Crap I Drew on My Lunch Break: Volume One," 24 August 2005.

Dedication page, “Crap I Drew on My Lunch Break: Volume One,” Lulu 2005.

Cory Strode's written contribution/afterword to "Crap I Drew on My Lunch Break: Volume One," Lulu 2005. Original CafePress version published in 2004.

Cory Strode’s written contribution/afterword to “Crap I Drew on My Lunch Break: Volume One,” Lulu 2005. Original CafePress version published in 2004.

Cory Strode's written contribution/afterword to "Crap I Drew on My Lunch Break: Volume One," Lulu 2005. Original CafePress version published in 2004.

Cory Strode’s written contribution/afterword to “Crap I Drew on My Lunch Break: Volume One,” Lulu 2005. Original CafePress version published in 2004.

Cory Strode in a "Crap I Drew on My Lunch Break" comic strip in 2005.

Cory Strode in a “Crap I Drew on My Lunch Break” comic strip in 2005.

Sample page from "Asylum on 5th Street," the webcomic I drew for about two years and 80 pages, until I quit, written by Cory Strode. A monkey in a fez! Ha ha ha! Pie! Ha ha ha! Photographing naked women without their consent! Ha ha ha!

Sample page from “Asylum on 5th Street,” the webcomic I drew for about two years and 80 pages, until I quit, written by Cory Strode. A monkey in a fez! Ha ha ha! Pie! Ha ha ha! Photographing naked women without their consent! Ha ha ha! This was page #63, drawn in 2005. He will recycle the monkey-in-a-fez for his webcomic drawn by the sexual-assault-puppet-man. GOOD STUFF.

When I first start working on this title, Cory will ask me, “Ink wash? Ink wash? Can you do ink wash???” like a fucking broken record for WEEKS. No, he never paid me for this, and I never really made money off of it. Why do you ask?!

Promotional image for "Solitaire Rose Radio" Episode #23, 20 November 2014.

Promotional image for “Solitaire Rose Radio” Episode #23, 20 November 2014.

"Dollar Late" strip drawn in early 2015. Cory Strode has re-instated himself into his "unconditionally loving" caregiver/mentor/therapist/wannabe-kingmaker role, and I am literally portraying myself as an emotionally vulnerable child.

“Dollar Late” strip drawn in early 2015. Cory Strode has re-instated himself into his “unconditionally loving” caregiver/mentor/therapist/wannabe-kingmaker role, and I am literally portraying myself as an emotionally vulnerable child.

Drawing of "martyr" Cory Strode made with Sharpie marker on 16 March 2016.

Drawing of “martyr” Cory Strode made with Sharpie marker on 16 March 2015.

Cory Strode and Joe Rider, who declared themselves my "cheerleaders."

Joe Rider and Cory Strode, who declared themselves my “cheerleaders.”

Cory Strode with me on 20 September 2015, while in my personal vehicle. From the day I drove him to Duluth, Minnesota, because he was upset about the death of a resident at his group home. What a selfish, psychotic bitch, am I right?!

Cory Strode with me on 20 September 2015, while in my personal vehicle. From the day I drove him to Duluth, Minnesota, because he was upset about the death of a resident at his group home. What a selfish, psychotic bitch, am I right?!

Cory Strode in a

Cory Strode in Duluth, Minnesota, while I was shooting with my DSLR.

Cory Strode in a "Have Tablet Will Scribble" comic strip in 2015.

Cory Strode in a “Have Tablet Will Scribble” comic strip in 2015.

Promotional image for our booths located together at MSP Comicon 2016.

Promotional image for our booths located together at MSP Comicon 2016.

Cory Strode and I watching 4th of July fireworks together on the grass at Lake Minnetonka, less than a week before he will completely turn my life upside-down by choosing to grossly violate my privacy, trust, and sense of safety in a way that no one else has before or since. He will then choose to devalue, diminish, and discard me, eventually attempting to destroy me through an online smear campaign. He is willing to ruin my life to avoid any accountability.

ALL I WANTED WAS A REAL FUCKING APOLOGY AND GENUINE REMORSE.

F U C K   Y O U

via GIPHY

CATEGORY:

Please Stand By, Vol 2

While running errands on March 5th, I injured my left arm and chest somehow between opening and closing doors, driving, and carrying a bag of groceries. By a couple of days later, I woke up to find the left side of my chest painfully swollen. I began wearing compression and taking anti-inflammatories again, which reduced the swelling. However, there was still quite a bit of pain and tightness.

On the 16th, I had about 20cc of fluid drained from the left side of my chest at my surgeon’s office. I am also on antibiotics because of suspected infection. Due to the swelling, I assume, there is a small area about 1″ long where my incision is attempting to reopen. Tonight it started bleeding enough to soak through several gauze pads and part of my ACE-type compression wrap.

I managed to get it closed and the bleeding slowed to a trickle with butterfly bandages, so I am okay for now. I am waiting to hear back from my surgeon’s office as to what I need to do next. Next week I see my physical therapist, and it is likely I will need more physical therapy than originally planned. My left arm’s range of motion has been set back to where it was immediately post-surgery.

The antibiotics I am on are wreaking havoc on my digestive system.

This is a lot to suffer for getting my mail and a couple of meals from the deli.

Typing is one of the few things I can do without tightening/tensing my chest muscles or risking further injury. Last week I started working on a second #MeToo post, but it quickly morphed into a general timeline of my life. I realized that I am doing the preliminary work necessary to start drawing Queen of Assholes.

My memories are quite clear, except for a certain time period which I do not especially want to remember. However, I struggle with the exact order and the position of events in my timeline. I have been referencing public records, school transcripts, photos with dates printed by the lab, and the third-parties who were there (when possible) to help piece together my past. This project turned into something far beyond my original intention; I’m putting myself together.

Right now the project has about 15.3k words. I would estimate it is one-half to two-thirds done. Even though it is for my comic, I intend to publish it online here once it is completed. It is impossible to explain certain parts of my life without revealing everything. It will give additional context to almost all of my work.

I am sharing snippets on Patreon, if you can afford to help right now.

It is not lost on me that I am writing this while recovering from finally feeling like I am “at home” in my own body. Neither is it lost on me that I am writing this shortly after figuring out I am autistic, finally learning who and what I am.

My life has been full of these synchronistic moments. I lean into them.

After a lifetime of attempting to be something I am not, concealing parts of my past, struggling to navigate a world I do not understand, and being punished for failing to fit into the boxes people build for me — I am done with all that.

If “success” means I have to pile on makeup even when I do not feel like it, tolerate being treated poorly in the name of Good Business, smile at people who despise me, and go through the exhausting effort of always appearing “normal,” then I want none of it. I will draw what I need to draw, say what I need to say, and write what I need to write, and the world can take me or leave me.

I cannot proceed any further until I finish making myself whole.

CATEGORY:

Please Stand By

Popping on to update that I have cleared the follow-up visit with my breast surgeon, everything is healing appropriately, and I am continuing my recovery. My skin reacted badly to the antiseptic “wash” used before surgery, resulting in a rash that worsened in the following days, and became almost unbearably painful in combination with the surgical drain tubing in my chest. I could not sleep. Fortunately, the drains were removed about a week after my surgery.

I have been blogging in more detail about my progress over on Patreon; the drains can be seen in this post. My chest and upper arms are still tight and sore, though I have been able to drastically reduce pain medication. Radiating from my scar is a constant, unpleasant sensation of pinpricks and tingling that oscillates in intensity. I understand this is from the unavoidable nerve damage, and nerve regeneration if possible. The area above my scar has little to no feeling.

I already have a permanently numb area on my face from the removal of severely-impacted wisdom teeth about twenty years ago, and knew I would lose some feeling in my chest, so that does not bother me. I am doing daily exercises given to me by medical staff, and awaiting the start of physical therapy.

Mostly, I am extremely fatigued. I have been out to briefly run errands a few times this week, and found myself wiped out afterward. Aside from the physical trauma of surgery, I am also dealing the after-effects of two weeks of poor sleep due to the drains, compression tops/wraps, and general discomfort. From what I have researched, it will probably be another 4 – 6 weeks before I begin to feel “normalish” again. That is usually when most people return to work.

Please know I am not complaining: I am ridiculously happy and grateful.

For my birthday, I posted an open-shirted photo of myself, which resulted in a notable amount of unfriending and unfollowing from my social media accounts. I expected that, but it was an interesting process to watch play out. My Instagram lost about two-hundred followers within hours. It sparked good discussion.

Jin Wicked Double-Mastectomy Scar

I am still in a somewhat anti-social state of mind, continuing to give myself space to process everything that has happened over the past year. I am also engaging in some reevaluation, reprioritization, and adjustments to my long-term plans and strategies, to accommodate both internal and external changes.

Money is a concern at the moment. There have been expenses associated with my surgeries, including a few moderate insomnia- and oxycodone-fueled impulse purchases. (Mostly creative supplies, post-surgical aids/comfort items, and used clothes for FLAT CHEST.) The immediate goal is to get through physical recovery, and hold the line until my Kickstarter is ready to launch later this year.

Etsy store sales and other support are appreciated if you would like to help.

Below is a watercolour and ink illustration finished in December.

Cherry Lemonade by Jin Wicked title=

$5 Signed Prints are available in my Etsy shop.

» Cherry Lemonade @ Fine Art America
» Cherry Lemonade @ RedBubble
» Cherry Lemonade @ TeePublic
» Cherry Lemonade @ Society6
» Cherry Lemonade @ Spreadshirt

CATEGORY:

Freedom

Early in the morning on the 11th, I underwent my double-mastectomy surgery. My procedure was completed around 10:00 AM, and I was allowed to leave the hospital around 3:00 PM. Other than some nasty side effects from an anti-nausea medication (scopolamine patch) that was given to me in pre-op, I am recovering well. Discomfort has been primarily burning sensations in my chest area, along with minor pain where the surgical drains are inserted underneath my ACE bandages, and skin abrasion/irritation on my neck and jaw.

I managed to shower and wash my hair today with a special garment.

3 Days Post-Op

Though I have to be careful and limit activities for the next several weeks, I am optimistic that the drains can be removed within a few days. I have needed to sleep a lot while I heal from both this and my prior surgery, but I am looking forward to slowly getting back to work on my in-progress illustrations.

There are no words for how good it feels to see my flat chest in the mirror.

Such a heavy burden has been lifted, and I look like myself.

CATEGORY:

Not Dead Yet

Sharing a brief update on my health status: Monday of last week I had the second cyst removed from my scalp, followed by my hysterectomy early Friday morning. My surgery reportedly went very well, and I have been sleeping for most of the weekend while I recover. Pain and discomfort have been quite tolerable. My double-mastectomy is scheduled in about another month.

I have been continuing to finish more tasks from my ancient To Do list, including completing my Health Care Directive, Will, and a Durable Power of Attorney. I have also been preparing to get my 2020 taxes filed as soon as possible.

Between follow-up and pre-op visits, I will be back-and-forth to many medical appointments in the coming weeks. I am doing my best to continue work on the final few illustrations for my art book, to be released later this year.

Progress on the art book can be followed on my Patreon. I also launched my once-per-year birthday sale early, and extended it to a month, due to my medical situation. Much of my original drawings, comics, paintings, and sketch cards have been discounted 20%-40% off through the end of January.

Please allow extra time for shipping; I have lifting and mobility limits.

CATEGORY:

STATEMENT FOR THE PUBLIC RECORD

No member of my biological family shall have any authority or input regarding decisions about my medical or end-of-life care, and/or my body after death.

No member of my biological family shall have any financial claim or other claim to my estate, including but not limited to: my personal assets, my business assets, my intellectual property, my face/image/name, and my social media accounts.

All legal documents will reflect my wishes as stated above, in addition to a privately-recorded video of myself reading this statement, along with other key documents, to further authenticate them after my incapacitation or death.

All legal documents are being notarized with witnesses when applicable.

CATEGORY: