Archive for August, 2018

My weight loss transformation!

Posted in health on August 23rd, 2018 by Jin Wicked – Comments Off on My weight loss transformation!

My ex-mother-in-law, at my request, provided me with some photos recently. During the period where I went “offline” from about 2008 through 2014, I did not allow anyone but her to photograph me for family functions. It occurred to me that it is one thing to talk about accomplishments, but until now I had not provided any hard evidence. So, here it is! The “before” pictures are from approximately 2012 to 2013 — not quite at my heaviest. I would eventually weigh in at 178-179lbs and only 5’2″ tall. My knees hurt. My feet hurt.

Weight Loss Transformation

I struggled with my weight nearly all of my life, but it became a great problem as my depression worsened. Cooking and eating were the only two activities that really brought me any pleasure. Towards the end of 2014, when I finally acknowledged how unhappy I was, I barely recognized myself anymore. Not wanting to throw away my health and continue on living like that, I started eating 1200/cal and exercising an hour on my home elliptical machine almost every day. By May of 2015 and my preliminary trip to Minneapolis-Saint Paul, I had lost 50lbs. I stayed between 130-135lbs until the beginning of 2018.

Weight Loss Transformation

At the beginning of this year, I started a ketogenic diet, eating very low-carb, with emphasis on quality proteins and vegetables. Using that method, I lost the remaining 20lbs and knocked-out one “bucket list” goal of wearing two jumpsuits that had not fit me since 2003. Since reaching my goal and starting to lift weights, I have reincorporated some complex carbs into my diet. I don’t binge eat anymore, and when I do find myself feeling compelled to eat for emotional reasons, I stop and try to address the real problem instead.

Weight Loss Transformation

That’s it! Now I am on to my gym-venture and the next step in my evolution. I am pushing my limits mentally, physically, creatively, in every way I can. Who knows where it will take me next? I am looking forward to finding out!

[VIDEO BLOG] Life Changes

Posted in video on August 19th, 2018 by Jin Wicked – Comments Off on [VIDEO BLOG] Life Changes

I need a hair cut.

shoo shoo gains goblins

Posted in health on August 15th, 2018 by Jin Wicked – Comments Off on shoo shoo gains goblins

So this happened.

About 70lbs lost, and now it's time to gain some of it back in strength! This is only my second workout. My atrophied, wet-noodle artist's arms and legs can't handle much yet. I can't squat more than the bar, and can't get very low. But hey, ya gotta start somewhere. 🏋️‍♀️ Excited to make a comparison video after a few months of hard work! Thanks again whoever it was that gifted me the gloves years and years ago. 💌 . Going on 39 years old! Never too late!!! . . . . . #jinwicked #gym #gymmotivation #gyms #gymfit #gymrat #gymrats #gymlifestyle #gymtime💪 #gymday #gymgirl #gymgirls #squat #squats #squatrack #squatting #squatgirl #squatgirls #fitness #fitnesslife #fitnessmotivation #fitnessgirl #fitnessgoals #health #exercise #weights #lift #lifting #girlswholift #womenwholift

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And yes, I am aware I am not doing it correctly, but there is not much weight there, and since then I have been practicing at home to improve my form. My answer to everything is now squats. At the gym, or my body weight at home. Bad mood? Squats. Can’t sleep? Squats. Want to eat a carton of ice cream? Squats. Need a break from drawing? Squats. If life wants to throw me shade, then at least my ass can look glorious as I walk away with two middle fingers in the air. So far, I am loving it, and I cannot wait to see what my body looks and feels like after six and twelve months of going to the gym religiously. This is what I have been searching for and failed to find with my multiple attempts in the past to get into shape. Right environment, right help, right spirit. I am learning from a very generous and experienced friend, since I cannot afford a personal trainer. Monitoring and tweaking my diet is next. Eat all the eggs!

Lately I have been reading about the nuances between helping, supporting, and enabling — both on the receiving and giving ends — for various reasons. Breaking free from my co-dependent relationships and enablers was a huge step in my personal journey and finding my autonomy. I ran across this chart, and had to give myself a little pat on the back. Since moving up from Texas, I have changed from a neurotic, living embodiment of the right-hand column, to quite comfortably and wholly on the left. This happened through intense self-examination, my new personal experiences, and as odd as it sounds, reading lots of advice solicited for other peoples’ real-life relationship scenarios. Turns out that other people’s disasters can be quite enlightening when it comes to what is, and isn’t, appropriate or tolerable. So I figured out how to navigate personal relationships and resolve conflicts in a constructive way, unlike the examples set by my parents or how I was largely treated growing up.

Healthy Relationships

Having a spine is pretty great. You know what else you need a spine for?

That’s right. Doing squats.


Posted in love on August 12th, 2018 by Jin Wicked – Comments Off on Sacrifice

Stephen and I have ended our romantic relationship, but we remain friends. He is a genuinely good person with a beautiful and caring heart, and I do not regret a moment of the nearly two years we have enjoyed together. We have supported each other through large transitions in both of our lives, as well as a period of mutual personal growth. From the beginning, our relationship has required tremendous amounts of effort and emotional vulnerability, while we each worked out our respective issues. I can honestly say we are both much healthier, well-rounded individuals today. But the suspicion has been growing stronger that this has run its course, and I am exhausted. It is now time for me to take care of myself, and for Stephen to take care of himself.

Jin and Stephen

Stephen is also sixteen years older than me, and dreaming of his retirement, while I have been building the go-go life of a convention-hopping nomad. We can, and will, continue to support each other as friends, but this is where our life paths start to diverge. When Stephen first found me, alone, and twisting in the wind after a traumatic experience, he said, “I want to teach you to fly.” That, he accomplished. But eventually I would have to stretch my wings.

Jin and Stephen

Right now, what I need and want most is to be alone so that I can focus on my new book. I am not an ideal partner — I need a lot of quiet time and a lot of near-solitude. Once the honeymoon period wanes away, realistically, I am going to be happiest with another industrious workaholic, and someone I can connect with on an artistic level. My work is at the heart of my identity. I feel the absence of a connection there, acutely. And it makes me sad. Three years ago, I left, with a dream of eventually becoming half of a creative team with a new partner. Someone I could deeply share all of myself with. Over the past few months, I have seen my dream in action, with the mutually-creative and supportive husband and wife team of Joseph and Kristina Linsner. It can be done. And I cannot allow loneliness, insecurity, or fear to lead me into a life of regret and depression for a second time. It is not fair to me, and it is not fair to Stephen. I am content alone. I am prepared to build my career alone. I am prepared to remain alone, if it comes to that. My work is my everything.

Soon, I will be removing the television set from my apartment and discarding the couch, as they only serve to remind me of the time I have squandered in the past. I want a quiet life of simple food, simple pleasures, hard work, and sacrifice. As long as I have food, health, and bills are paid, that is enough.

This hurts terribly, but the right choice is rarely the easy choice.

Someone once told me, “Pain is bad, and you should do everything you can to avoid it.” But pain is an essential part of life. Pain reminds us to appreciate the things we have in the moment, because loss is guaranteed, and life itself is a temporary condition. By embracing pain, and allowing it to travel through us, we are able to untangle the stranglehold of fear. And when we no longer fear pain and our own emotions, we are free to become our true selves.

[VIDEO BLOG] Do better next time!

Posted in video on August 6th, 2018 by Jin Wicked – Comments Off on [VIDEO BLOG] Do better next time!

Improvements to my office and reactions to my recent kitchen video.