[VIDEO BLOG] Luck o’ the Irish

Posted in video on March 17th, 2019 by Jin Wicked – Comments Off on [VIDEO BLOG] Luck o’ the Irish

All this time, I thought I preserved my child-like senses of energy, eagerness, enthusiasm, and wonder, but it turns out I just have a brain disorder.

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Some recent readings: ADHD and Sleep Problems, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and ADHD, Impulsivity Explained, ADHD and Depression, Suffering in Silence: Women with Adult ADHD, ADHD in Older Adults: Is it on Your Radar?

The friend training me had to stop due to injury, but I will be getting back into the gym on my own starting this week. I am looking at more smaller sessions alternating upper and lower body, immediately after my day job, for efficiency. I definitely feel better and more focused when I lift and eat high-protein.

[VIDEO BLOG] Pay Attention

Posted in food, health, video on March 12th, 2019 by Jin Wicked – Comments Off on [VIDEO BLOG] Pay Attention

Baby steps.

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Thursday night, I made my best friend Al a CRAPPY birthday cake! I had Steve bring the cake to a small gathering hosted by Lance, and surprise him.

Crappy Birthday Cake

Crappy Birthday Cake

Crappy Birthday Cake

He loved it, and ATE THE POOP! which was crumbled chocolate cake.

As I shared in this week’s vlog, I was diagnosed Monday morning as having a combined-type ADHD (Mayo Clinic) (NIMH) (Wikipedia). I have an appointment with a psychiatrist later this month to discuss medications and, with luck, find something that will help lift the fog that my head is stuck in much of the time. I have also set up monthly sessions with the ADHD therapist to get feedback, and help continue developing strategies to improve my executive function.

The knowledge that I have been attempting to run a marathon with both my shoelaces tied together for most of my life, is both simultaneously frustrating and encouraging. Aside from visual art, I showed promise as a student with the viola, violin, trumpet, and piano, but I quit playing music once I reached higher skill levels that required long sessions of practice I could not maintain. I vaguely remember taking the SAT test in middle school. It was probably this program? “Duke” something was all I could recall. I do remember completely blowing it because I was unable to focus on the preparatory materials at all. I studied French for three and a half years in high school, but as the need to study increased right at the point I started to become conversationally fluent, I gave it up. I attended community college for about six weeks at my parents’ insistence. But outside of high school, I could not even reliably go to class on time, or at all, much less pay attention or complete reading assignments.

As a young child, I was able to coast by and get excellent grades, in spite of all my doodling and daydreaming. That all came crashing down by the time I was a teenager. I will never know what I might have accomplished or done if there had been more awareness of ADHD in girls, and in general, in the early 1980s. I needed compassion and understanding. Instead my parents chose to discipline me, ineffectively, with violence and screaming when I was small, and name-calling, judgement, massive invasions of my privacy and trust, and threats as I got older. They praised with one hand, and struck with the other. It has taken me thirty-nine years to break this addictive cycle, and undo the self-loathing they instilled in me. I am not allowing other people to define me or undermine my sense of self-worth any longer. Now that I have dug to the root problem, I am ready to work with my therapist and psychiatrist to unlock my full potential. I have come far already, with my shoes tied together.

[VIDEO BLOG] The Greatest Gift

Posted in video on March 3rd, 2019 by Jin Wicked – Comments Off on [VIDEO BLOG] The Greatest Gift

Thank everyone who helped make 2019 my best birthday ever.

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[VIDEO BLOG] Happy birthday to me!

Posted in video on February 18th, 2019 by Jin Wicked – Comments Off on [VIDEO BLOG] Happy birthday to me!

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I reached 10k Likes on my Facebook page. Hurray!

[VIDEO BLOG] Break the Chains

Posted in video on February 4th, 2019 by Jin Wicked – Comments Off on [VIDEO BLOG] Break the Chains

Motivating myself through motivating others.

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