Turning Points, Vol 2

Posted in health, work on October 3rd, 2018 by Jin Wicked – Comments Off on Turning Points, Vol 2

Short written post this week, as most of my energy is going into preparations for MSP Fall Comicon, specifically churning out pre-drawn sketch cards to give away to the first visitors to my booth in the morning. I also plan to give away the remainder of the “piRATe” tote bags left-over from the spring convention. I have stuffed them with free colouring pages, crayon packs, and flyers.

I eat the cheapest nutritionally-sound meals I can engineer, so I can afford to give more back to YOU! All right, I am actually just that fuckin’ boring IRL.

You should see my growing collection of Goodwill-grandma sweaters.

Venture Brothers Sketch Cards

I plan to continue drawing sketch cards over my lunch breaks throughout the year, so I can bank them up for conventions. The exercise in different styles feels good, and they are a fun way to scratch the itch to do fan art.

More notable milestones recently — today I crossed 7k users on my Facebook page. I am on schedule to max out my personal account’s 5k, and reach 10k on my page by the end of the year. Please follow if you are not already!

There have been lots of additions to the gift and guest art gallery!

Goal weight achieved!

Also, for the record, today I reached my original weight-loss goal of 110lbs. It did take longer than I intended, but my focus shifted to weight maintenance after May. Once the convention season has ended, I plan to experiment while I figure out how much I need to eat to maximize my weight-lifting efforts.

That’s all for now! I hope to see you at Fall Comicon this weekend!

[VIDEO BLOG] 100 Patrons!!!

Posted in video on September 30th, 2018 by Jin Wicked – Comments Off on [VIDEO BLOG] 100 Patrons!!!

Support me at Patreon
https://patreon.com/jinwicked

MCBA Comicons
https://mcbacomicons.com/

Turning Points

Posted in work on September 27th, 2018 by Jin Wicked – Comments Off on Turning Points

As I mentioned in the previous post, on Monday this week I hit the milestone of 100 patrons on my Patreon account. This month is also notable because I have reached parity with the most income I have ever made, on an average monthly basis, from my art and comics. The previous high-water mark was in 2007 before my productivity, health, and mental health started to decline. Of course, my living expenses are much greater now, and I am not comfortable going without health insurance like I was throughout my 20s. My audience is still slightly smaller, but growing steadily on all fronts and I have strategies in place to continue that growth. I also produce multimedia content now, have a larger arsenal of technical skills and tools at my disposal, and a baseline of unshakeable confidence and patience that I did not have in the past. This is all independent of the healthier changes on the personal side of my life.

In the simplest terms, I have found a way to “hack” my obsessive brain and thought patterns to make them work for me. I go to sleep at the same time most nights, eat the same food and wear the same clothes most days, and have distilled my days down into a clockwork, highly-efficient, repetitive grind. This would probably drive most people insane, but the resulting stability and predictability works very well for me. I break my routine one or two days per week, and the wide diversity of projects I work on keeps the need for variety satisfied. I have gotten rid of almost everything I own that is not functionally useful or something I admire daily, to minimize my time spent cleaning. There is some work still to do bringing my book-keeping up to date, and organizing my office. Once that is completed, I will have nothing holding me back.

This feels like my moment. This is the part of my story where three-and-a-half years — really, four years if you go back to when I first started to work again in 2014 — of effort in both my personal and professional life start to come to fruition. I am in the best physical and mental shape of my life, and bringing all the details into order on the business side of things. I have a clarity of vision how everything will ultimately come together, and rigorous plans in action. All that is left is to open the throttle, and see how far I can go. Watch out!

[VIDEO BLOG] FALL COMICON

Posted in video on September 23rd, 2018 by Jin Wicked – Comments Off on [VIDEO BLOG] FALL COMICON

MCBA Comicons
https://mcbacomicons.com/

Update: As of the following morning, I have reached 100 Patrons! THANK YOU SO MUCH! I can’t wait to start chipping away at the Lunch Break archive!

Also, in my opinion this is one of the funniest things I have ever made.

Jin Wicked is Sick of Shit, Vol 2

Posted in love on September 19th, 2018 by Jin Wicked – Comments Off on Jin Wicked is Sick of Shit, Vol 2

There is somehow, simultaneously, a lot going on at the moment, and a lot of nothing. I was reminded earlier this week of the need to choose your words carefully when I received a phone call the purpose of which, I am not sure. It seemed designed solely to anger and provoke me. I told this person I was drawing, but they insisted on interrupting me repeatedly, anyway. Inebriated rehashing and reheating of an incident that occurred earlier that day, and the rambling confessions that they knew deep down they would never keep their promises to me. Making flimsy excuses for how they had taken advantage of my forgiving nature and generosity, repeatedly, over and over… I could go on. Admitting you are a shitheel does not absolve you of your responsibility to do something about being a shitheel. And fuck, don’t then double-down on it.

But I remember, not that long ago, being the aggrieved and wounded party, grasping at straws desperately trying to justify both the incredible pain I felt, and lessen the guilt of the pain I had caused. I remember, so I listened.

“The thing I hated most about you — couldn’t stand about you, I think — but also had a lot of pride in, is that you are smarter than me.”

It is well-documented that many men struggle with intelligent and successful women. But here is the thing — your insecurity is not my responsibility to fix. Your insecurity is not a license to tear me down in front of mutual friends. It is not a license to act at times as if I do not exist in public or on social media. It is not a license to diminish the importance, value, or skill of my work. It is not a license to repay my debts last, disrespect my time, and treat me like one of your lowest priorities. It is not a license to criticize the efficient lifestyle I have created for myself. And if you care more about being perceived by others as a “fanboy” than visibly and vocally supporting the dreams of someone you claim to love, that’s your insecurity and your problem. I have to believe that there’s someone out there brave and bold enough to (however badly) sing together with me from the rooftops. If not, then I continue this journey alone.

My purpose is not to be your self-esteem booster, arm candy, trophy partner, salve for a wounded ego, or a proof of virility during your midlife crisis. I want an equal. I work harder than anyone I personally know. I am working eleven hour days at my day job (really), so that I can free more whole days for binge working on my art, comics, and other projects, and still sustain a certain level of income. I monitor every calorie going into my mouth and give up about six hours to the gym every week because I care about being healthy and looking my best. I relentlessly promote my work seven days a week in every venue I can find to be successful. I acknowledge my faults and work to address them. I have spent the past three years working on my own issues, anxieties, and insecurities, and I have no desire to go back. Resting on my laurels is not a thing that I do. There are always bigger fish to fry and steeper mountains to climb. If my accomplishments, growth, or success intimidate or threaten you, that is your insecurity to deal with. It is not a license to treat me poorly.

I say all this in the context of multiple relationships, throughout my life.

By all but the most conservative definitions, I am a Good Woman. I am caring, affectionate, compassionate, generous to a fault, honest, and loyal. I do not drink, do not use drugs, do not party, do not stay out late, and I will always let you know where I am, and who I am with. I pay attention. I will remember all your preferences and do things without having to be asked. I do not care how much money you make, as long as you pull your weight, and you work. I do not care about fancy houses, cars, or status symbols. I do not care about material things much, at all. Be able to make me laugh. Match my effort, clean up after yourself, and work to keep up with me. Really simple, but keeping up with me is not for the faint of heart. My vices are being a workaholic, a box of twelve cigarillos every few months, and bitching about television.

I feel like a fool. I feel like a fool for seeing the best in people. I feel like a fool for believing. I am tired. I am tired of crying. I am tired of meaningless words and broken promises. I am tired of my male “friends” who conveniently turn a blind eye and sweep it under the rug when it is their “bro” doing something wrong to a woman. I am tired of hearing “I want to help you,” and “I want to protect you,” from people who end up doing precisely the opposite.

I am tired of fighting to prevent the hardening of my heart.